True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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