Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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