I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This is my gift to your gina
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
