oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
