I think scott just propositioned me for sex
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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