Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
