I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
