I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
