i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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