I'm going to jail i love you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
