If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I would fuck him just for his dog
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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