dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
