we made out on top of his cat.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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