i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
