i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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