She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
