I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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