She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
