i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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