Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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