You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
