i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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