Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
