3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
