i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We just shotgunned beers for America
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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