You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize