we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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