why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
two words...techno handjob
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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