I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize