Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
