I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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