Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
