I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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