She said her name was "party"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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