Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
