You made me cry and you don't even care
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
