We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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