I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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