I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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