you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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