ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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