belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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