We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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