come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
