Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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