Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
