When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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