i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
