you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
