We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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