I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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