Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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