It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
